under construction

april 30, 2025 ---------------- ramble

i have white paper palm trees by lights stuck in my head. i feel like nowhere i sit is comfortable. I need to switch out my chairs but idk if the one i like will fit in my desk corner. i've been eating too many sweets. ive been going to work every day. i've been tired. i've been dreaming, like actual dreams when i sleep. but they're about work. i've been waiting for summer. tomorrow is may, it went by so fast didn't it? it always does, we always say that. how can we make it slower? as we get older, a year is a smaller and smaller fraction of our lives. at four years old, 2yrs was half my life. now, here i am, where a year is nearly 1/30th. no wonder it feels easier to wait a year, less significant to have the days go by. it would be nice to make them matter. the past 4 months have been something new, something changed. with work, home, online, my body, my mind. i'd hate to say im getting bad again, maybe i was but now it's not as much. i'm moving through, and things are working out. it's getting clearer. not to be vague, but i can feel it coming.

april 28, 2025 ---------------- ramble

this is my first blog post here. it would be nice to write a little something everyday but i'm not on my computer as much these days so maybe i won't hold myself to that kind of pressure. i can't wait to flesh out this site and actually make it what i want it to be. right now with my background i have the forest vibes down, but i need more techy-digital vibes. i think this post is gonna be short because i'm so tired. yesterday was a big trip into andersonville with a group of students that i advise at work and we were gone for a long time, and did a lot of walking. i'm not used to walking that much, but i need to get better at it. and then today i was at work all day, and will be for the next four days. it's really tiring to be in the office all week, i forgot what it was like. i did stay late today though, which is part of my issue. when i finally get home, eat, take care of baby, and wash up for bed, then it's already late and i just want to lay down and sleep. i think i'll go to bed early tonight. it would be nice to write more, give you some of my backstory, but for now i think i'll leave you with this. if you're reading this, i hope that you're doing okay, getting through it. and i hope that you can think back on at least one thing that made you happy today. mine is that me and my new coworker (who i worked with at my old job) get along so well. she's making my work days fun, when before they were so stressful. not to talk about work before bed. tomorrow i will also go to work but i'm going to try to make it home earlier so that i have more time to hang out and have fun. more lore later... night night. :)